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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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These popular dating apps give you just enough functionality to connect with potential partners for casual encounters — all without spending a dime.

So, I’m sitting there, sipping my coffee (finally), and I overhear this convo about the local football team. Apparently, they’re doing great this season. I’m not a huge fan, but I love the energy. Everyone’s pumped, talking about the next match at the stadium on Kostiantynivka Street. I’m thinking, maybe I should go. But then I remember I can’t stand crowds. Ugh.

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